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| I have tired of anonymously sharing myself with others via the internet. I don't even really read anyone else's entries anymore, I just skim. And I write in my paper journal, which I can doodle in (whilst here I cannot) so this thing just serves me no purpose any more.
People who want to keep in touch with me have kept in touch with me. This no longer keeps me updated on people's lives. If you'd like to keep updated on mine, email me at melissajensen13@hotmail.com . Otherwise, buena suerte contodo.
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| OK, I'm back from Vegas.
Highlights:
- only $20 in gambling debts, niiiice.
- the best steak, bacon, and lobster I've ever had. (not in the same meal)
- one broken front tooth (alex's), five stitches and a bruised arch (both mine)
- one very confusing and ambiguous relationship
- one married couple (intentional and sober) | | |
| I'm going to VEGAS, BABY! ! !
I've never been and I feel the need to experience the tackiest, trashiest, most morally abase city in our beloved country. I'm totally going to the Liberace museum. Anyone else got suggestions? Let me know. Otherwise, I'm just going to wander around and soak up the neon ambiance. | | |
| when does intuition win the battle with reason? I need to search ancient mythology or old wives' tales and find some shred of hope and encouragement to steer me in the right direction.
sometimes it's a jekyll/hyde experience to be a distinct combination of my parents. I can see my mother's stubborn will refusing to cave in and be vulnerable, choosing to swell with bitterness and pride rather than risk being hurt again. But straining against that is my father's emotive throbbing heart, knowing full well that I'm only hurting myself and leaping off the cliff is liberating whether I'm caught at the bottom or crash headfirst into heartbreak. I'll still get up and soldier on.
I need a drink. | | |
| The one thing I always rely on (besides traffic on the dan ryan) is my intuition. I'm 99.9% acccurate when I intuit something (yes, it's a verb. I just verbed it.) It makes me feel secure to know something so inherently true that it doesn't matter who tries to combat my reasoning with logic, because it makes sense to me and it always works out in the end. It's not everything that I'm able to understand without any reason why, but when I do, it's so genuine that logical reasoning is almost insulting. It's such an integral part of me that it's literally the only thing I have any faith in anymore.
So I didn't realize that I could be unhorsed by logic actually disrupting this security. However, I've found the yin to my yang. The person that posesses the logical reasoning with the strength of my intuition. Perfectly complimentary, fueling each other with matched intensity. But there is no grey in the yin yang, and however much I truly believe in what should be, should does not always happen. Meant to be isn't a reality, it's a hope. It will never feel right to me and that's something I cannot resolve, I've never had to before.
Cruel, cruel left-brained world. | | |
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